Dragging myself away from work, I FINALLY took the van out to celebrate another year…of life. Mainly, the pups were getting antsy for some adventure. They would have been ok with a regular walk-a-round the neighborhood – but it was time to take the beast out to charge the battery and get those engine fluids mixing.
There was no other destination than west bound, the coast. An easy convenient drive to Lincoln City. My two passengers, 9 and Wednesday were super excited. I had some hesitance. We haven’t went on road trips lately and my travel energy levels have lowered. But I convinced myself to do this or else, and with deliberate packing of comfort necessities – WE WERE OFF.
The drive was short, not much over an hour. It being Tuesday, traffic was fairly light and polite. I made a mental note that Tuesday seems like a good driving day. Even in late afternoon. Driving has always been a huge part of my life. Many people can say that – it’s most likely an odd thing to say, but being old school meant learning to drive my father’s FORD stick shift and so driving wasn’t just driving – it was escaping. It meant freedom. To this day, the act of driving to me is the most basic need in life when you want to go further than a bicycle can pedal in one day and the act of wind on your face is soul food.
Road Trip on Birthday
Driving into Lincoln City, the pale blue sky met the pale blue ocean with the unimpressive light grey pavement creating an illusion of blah, an almost dreary small town that lacked a certain luster today. But the weather was pleasant, warm with not too much wind. 9 and Wednesday wanted to play on the beach, to run up to the water and away when the waves quickly tried to draw them in. People were smiley with a lot of dogs on the beach. 9 my passionate pup, loves the water and flings himself in. Wednesday my thinker, slowly follows and hurries out with a concerned look.
I took no pictures. It wouldn’t have been too difficult to wear my shoulder bag and carry more supplies on the beach and record the moment. But I didn’t. I wanted to just be. Be there with no demands or distractions. I wanted to watch the dogs and people and walk on the beach and feel the gentle workout between my foot and calf, and show my pups I was paying attention. They do smile and that in turn makes my heart smile.
And to make a perfect day, the only princess I personally know texted me Birthday wishes. Being an empty nester failure, or failure to launch separately successfully initially, offered a lot of set backs and forced me to find my own way – or perish.
I found my own way.
There was so much to think about during this road trip. Traveling has a way of sorting troubles out and problem solving. Between here and there, a packaging issue worked itself out. These past few years has been a lot of starts and stops. I acquired a news obsession since the election when people were threatening to shove black markers up people’s “asses”, and whatever the fake news media could publish to keep people coming back. I was hooked and obsessed. I could not look away.
I have watched and listened in horror as science is quoted as science but is not science. I have seen insanely smart individuals get tangled in the web of lies. Slowly eroding was my faith of the medical establishment, political parties, and humanity. Telling the truth and showing kindness towards another human being is out. Canceling and destroying is in.
Suicides. Mental Health issues. The air has been thick with doom.
In the real world, I lost friends over beliefs and watched as smart brains became lumps of jello, parroting things that they wouldn’t have thought or said years ago.
Sometimes, we just outgrow people and given a certain amount of recent stimulus – it happens suddenly, when not long ago you thought that person was forever. I had no idea my best friend hated gardening, still drank milk, denies her knowledge of critical race theory existence in schools (what is that?) – only one color – and never tried brown rice until now. She was from Peru. I thought rice and gardening was up there with climbing Machu Picchu. Apparently not and I was schooled. Maybe we are all a little misinformed. Simply put, becoming a teacher killed everything I thought I loved about my friend. She seems to have lost the ability to think on her own and reason. Cultural pride made her different and interesting and her metamorphosis to approved text books killed the butterfly. She doesn’t even like dogs. We move on.
Our communication seems to be disguised put downs and once ignored – now was intolerable. Self-growth is a wonderful thing. I have pondered how over the years dumbing down and pumping people up truly has delayed my own personal growth. My desire to experience friendship was far greater than their own short comings that they were more aware of then I was – and in turn recycled back to me in trying to make me feel as bad as they did. Foremost and most important was always – my flaws. If anything, maybe lockdowns has truly set me free.
Relationships are just complicated and when one door is closed, another one soon follows. And closes.
There was joy in having an older friend for a year from a few neighborhoods or more over who got my number when he wanted to forward me a health website. It seemed innocent enough. I often ran into him while walking my pups and he was riding his low wheel lean back bicycle with the waving flag. He resembled slightly someone from my past who was a father figure, a partner in crime who was there for me way back when.
I had leased part of this elderly friend’s property as a very young adult while living in camping trailer. I was going to school, was a gym rat, and made very little money at a job I truly loved. When I was out of state one day an older couple broke in the trailer and stole some small hand tools. The mid-lifer thieves contacted me and asked to buy the trailer and said they had my tools.
I actually wanted to sell the trailer as I was moving out of state and we agreed on a rather small sum. After receiving the money at a business location and away from the trailer, I went back and took the new fridge I had bought and the curtains my friend made that were simply perfect. I can still recall my elderly best friend and I carrying that fridge as fast as we could shuffle to his home. There were a few other things done, I believe the trailer may have become immobile – but I can’t recall our part in that. Oh, the angry phone call and threats. They tracked me down all the way to my new home in a different state. I really did like that hammer (they stole).
Be careful who you surround yourself with. They may just kill your vibe.
Alas, my old elderly best friend/father figure was nothing like this neighbor as the neighbor began to increase texts full of dislike for his wife, talked about loneliness (didn’t like my get a dog response), and a few other disturbing behaviors. Politics and lock downs obviously has put a strain on relationships and problems that are already there are intensified. That doesn’t mean a person should stray or intrude upon another person’s bounderies. Especially if the person is single and purposefully so to avoid this type of drama. Another friend lost. But a friend with ulterior motives is no friend at all. When I closed the door on this “friendship” the elderly neighbor responded the way I thought he would and is typical with any abuser and predator.
I suppose if one has a complaint about their spouse they should take it up with their spouse or trusted confidant (like therapist or pastor) and not go around asking for phone numbers of single females enjoying the day with her pups. Just a thought. In these tough times, we must get tougher and fight loneliness and find new ways to keep mentally and physically fit without intruding on other’s liberties.
What saves me from disappointment is that not everyone can be like my prior elderly friend, EXCEPTIONAL. I mourned his death several years ago as a girl who had lost her father, someone who really cared about her and was there as a friend and partner in crime. He taught me the life span of salmon and showed me where they went to die in our town. Once in awhile you can meet someone who doesn’t have ulterior motives and has a soul that simply sparkles.
Taking a road trip has a way of reconciling the past, present, and future. It reminds me that I am still here. Loss of friendships seems less and less of a loss and more of a rebirth, an awakening. My dining room has transformed to a gym and challenging myself to delete fast food or take out from my diet from these past four months has changed my life for the better. Running errands I have had my stomach grumble only to hurry home to create something spetacular to eat.
I am still here.
Staying home and working has created challenges in discipline and routines. My next goal is to turn off fake media. If you can’t see the manipulation and control and fear mongering now…I am not sure if you will ever see it. As the world once laughed, Pamela Anderson stated she was turning off the news because it was brain washing her. If you can’t see the truth in that, I am not sure we can be friends.
At the root is Jesus, faithful to those who believe and let him lead.
I almost forgot how much The Adventure Machine makes people smile. At the coast, I enjoyed watching a mother take a picture of her young son displaying his muscles in front of the van (good mother) and another woman ask to take a picture. Honoring Scooby Doo on my van brings back the reality of making every day count and laughing as much as one can.
If I have learned anything lately, heroes come in all forms and in surprising ways. Nicky Minaj is someone who I would have never took initiative to listen to her music and may have judged erroneously. She spoke up by having questions regarding the “vaccine” and showed how strong she is, a thinker – by challenging the narrative by arriving at her own decision and not following the herd. She is not only articulate, but smart. I hope that more follow suit and speak out, voice their opinion without fear of consequences. People have to understand that the more who do, the more others will and once again we can live harmonously with different opinions and questions. It is amazing how amazing some people can be. Nicky Minaj is amazing and I am sure a force to be reckoned with in this Cancel Culture. What a hero.
As I recently felt like giving up on humanity, a pregnant neighbor walks up with a bag of vegetables from her garden which in turn encourages me to give some tomatoes to a neighbor and on and on. It is everyone’s responsibility to be kind and ask questions and look at the news as entertainment and not facts. And if you want to live your best life, turn it off. But it’s a matter of choice isn’t it? The freedom to choose how to live your best life and what that means.
Don’t let it slip away.
Cheers to your Road Trip on Birthday. May it be as meaningful and peaceful as mine.